The following sentences are extracted from your first journal. They all need revision to some extent.
Choose five of the following sentences, rewrite them, and give explanation to the revised sentences. You can talk about issues that you can see concerning mechanics (grammar, punctuations, & spelling), sentence structure, or overall meaning of the sentence.
[This activity should be finished on or before Tuesday, 9/8. Don’t forget to include your name in your comment entry]
1. in the future, If i have to write about any topic, I'll read about it in the beginning, then If I have some questions, I'll try to answer them to help me understanding clearly, after that I'll try to find some one has more knowledge than me and let him help me answering the questions, to get correct thought and facts, because it is important to write with real information.
2. Someone asked me, do you think it is useful to you learning English in CESL(English as second language center). I said yes, it is really useful to me. It not only helps me improve my English skills, and also gives me such enough confidence that I can really enjoy the collage life.
3. When I have trouble and get a poor solution, I will seek the reason why I fail to resolve this problem by writing. I prefer to write mood diary because I can improve my mood by writing and nobody can see.
4. Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage just trying to generate ideas and not have a boring paper that people won’t like to read.
5. Sometime, I get information online websites about my topics. It is also good techniques to start pre- writing.
6. I have not written papers in English very much so far. I should be used to express what I want to say in English. To solve my problem, keeping journals seems suitable. It will help me to write papers more freely and in relax.
7. So, I believe that freewriting let me free from pressure coming from being afraid of thinking too much or making mistakes when I write essays.
8. . When the writer shows his feeling infreestyle writing he is able to stop thinking and make mistakes without judgment. Also he is able to misspell be imperfect. Finally, freestyle helps people to express their feeling in their own
way.
9. We then looked at free writing, this is a sort of technique that you just write whatever you feel like writing, it helps you improve your writing skills it makes you more fluent in writing, and then also looked at focus free writing which is practically this same thing as free writing but here you have something to focus on, you are writing about something, that is a particular topic here.
10. Most of the time, I’d like to draw a visualized cluster. It helps me to clarify ideas that are in my mind, and at the same time it helps showing that the connections between different ideas that I have, creating a reasonable article.
11. Brainstorming makes our writing very easy and smooth rather than using other techniques. For instant, I need to write essay about California condor than first I need to go online and find information about condor like population, problems with condor, how useful for human being etc.
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2. someone aske me that did you think it was useful for you studying English in CESL? I said yes that is really useful for me and it not only helped me improve my Endlish skills , and also gave me enough condifence to perpare collage life.
ReplyDelete4. sometimes it can be very hard in pre-writing stage that just trying to catch ideas and imporve your writing skills that can make people like to read your work.
(this one i cannot really know what's mean is it. does it can improve your writing or make your writing become boring?)
5. sometimes i got information on websites about my topics. it is also a good technique to start a writing.
6. i donot have written any papers in English so far. but i should express what i want to say in English that can improve my English skills. the better way to solve the problem is often writing journals and it will help my to write more quailty paper in the furture.
11. brainstorming can help us cath more ideas to prepare a assiament. for example, i have to write an essay about california condor, first i can brainsrotm a lot without any other techniques. that can be eaier to find a topic that i really want to write. (this sentece talk about brainstorm. but the writter did not said the brainstorm is important or how it is work. search online is not brainstorm.)
botian
3. The meaning of sentence is not clear.
ReplyDeleteRevised sentence: I like to list some reasons why I fail to resolve these problems on paper. I prefer to write mood diary because it can reduce my stress by writing to release my emotion.
4. The sentence structure is wrong.
Revised sentence: Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage because it need to generate ideas and don’t have a boring paper that people won’t like to read.
5. word repeat and article lack
Revised sentence: Sometimes, I get information about my topics online. It is also a good technique to start pre- writing.
6. use the wrong phrase
Revised sentence: I have never written so many words on my paper in English so far. I should be used to express what I want to say in English. To solve my problem, keeping journal seems suitable. It will help me to write papers more freely and in relax.
7. The sentence structure is not clear.
Revised sentence: So, I believe that freewriting let me free from pressure because I don’t need to think too much or worry about making mistakes when I write essays.
Dan Dong
Miranda -
ReplyDeleteDan did a good job on explaining the problem of the sentences.
1. There were some omissions and grammatical errors.
ReplyDeleterevised sentence:In the future, if i have to write about any topic, I'll read about it in the beginning, then if i have some questions, i will try to answer them so i can understand clearly, after that i will try to find someone who has more knowledge than me and let him help me in answering the questions, to get correct thoughts and facts, because its is important to write with real facts.
2.The sentence is not structured well and it has some wrong punctuation.
revised sentence:someone asked me,"do u think it is important to study English in CESL(English as a second language center)?". i said yes, its useful to me, it does not only help me improve my skills in English, it also gives me confidence that i can really enjoy college life.
3.is not structured properly.
revised sentence:when i have troubles and i get poor solutions,i will seek the reasons why i failed to resolve the problem by writing. i prefer to write mood diary because i can improve my mood by writing and nobody would see.
5.grammatical error.
revised sentence:sometimes,i get information online about my topic, it is also a good technique to start pre-writing.
7.grammatical error.
revised sentence:so, i believe that free writing lets me free from pressure coming from being afraid of thinking too much or making mistakes when am writing.
i forgot to put my name(sufiyanu momoh) at the end,
ReplyDelete1.
ReplyDelete.Inappropriate punctuations
.Make mistakes about the sentence structure
.Capital letter or not
.Grammar
Revised sentence: In the future, if I have to write about any topic, I’ll read about it in the beginning; if I have some questions, I’ll try to answer them for helping me understanding those questions clearly. I’ll try to find some one who has more knowledge than I do, and let him help me answering the questions that I have, correcting ideas and materials, because it is important for writing an article with real information.
4.
.Omission of punctuations
.Inappropriate use of preposition
Revised sentence: Sometimes it can be pretty hard during the pre-writing stage, when we are trying to generate ideas and not to having a boring paper that people won’t like to read.
5.
.Spelling
.make mistakes on grammar
Revised sentence: Sometimes, I get information about my topics from online websites, which is also a good technique for starting pre-writing.
7.
.Spelling
.Sentence structure
.Punctuation
Revised sentence: So, I believe that free writing let me free from the pressure that comes from being afraid of thinking too much or making mistake when I write esaays.
11.
.Grammar
.Structure of the sentence
.Preposition
Revised sentence: brainstorming makes our writings easier and more fluency rather than the other techniques do. For instant, if I need to write essay about California condor, then firstly I need to go online and find information about the condor, such as the population, problems with the condor, and how useful it is for human beings etc.
Angelina Fang
I am sorry to be late to comment.
ReplyDeleteI missed the information of this assignment.
2.
• Sentence structure
• Spelling
If someone asks me if it is useful or not to learn English in CESL, I must answer yes it is. It helps me to improve my English Skill, and also gives me confidence to enjoy my college life.
3.
• The meaning of each sentence and the relation between two sentences are unclear
• Spelling
When I have a trouble and cannot find good solution, I try to seek the reason. I usually write diary about my negative feeling it makes me calm. Others never see my diary so that I can feel easy.
4.
• The meaning of the sentence is unclear
• Sentence structure
Pre-writing stage can be sometimes pretty hard, to try to generate ideas which would help me to write interesting paper.
5.
• Spelling
• Grammatical mistake
Sometimes, I get information from online websites for topics. It is also good technique to start pre-writing.
11.
• Spelling
• The example is improper. It requires another example.
Brainstorming helps us to write paper more easily and smoothly than any other technique. If I have to write an essay about California condor, I will get information about this like its population and problems relating to it from the internet.
Natsumi Kawaai
2. Someone asked me, do you think it is useful to you learning English in CESL(English as second language center). I said yes, it is really useful to me. It not only helps me improve my English skills, and also gives me such enough confidence that I can really enjoy the collage life.
ReplyDelete→When someone asked me, “Do you think learning English in CESL is useful?” I said, “Yes, I do. Not only does it help me improve my English skills, but it also gives me a great amount of confidence to really enjoy college life.”
I think there are some mistakes in punctuation, spelling and grammar.
4. Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage just trying to generate ideas and not have a boring paper that people won’t like to read.
→Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage just trying to generate ideas. Writing essays that other people want to read is another challenge as well.
I think there are some mistakes in punctuation and grammar.
5. Sometime, I get information online websites about my topics. It is also good techniques to start pre- writing
→Sometimes I get information about my topics from the Internet. It is also one of the good techniques when I start pre-writing.
I think there are some grammatical mistakes.
6. I have not written papers in English very much so far. I should be used to express what I want to say in English. To solve my problem, keeping journals seems suitable. It will help me to write papers more freely and in relax.
→I think I should get used to expressing my ideas in English because I don’t have so much experience in writing essays in English so far. In order to get used to it, keeping journals seems to be the best way for me in writing the essays more relaxed and freely.
It is difficult for me to figure out the first sentence. I don’t know whether he/she has not written the essays so often, or he/she has never written the essays. So, I interpreted as the first meaning and revised in order to make it easier to understand.
10. Most of the time, I’d like to draw a visualized cluster. It helps me to clarify ideas that are in my mind, and at the same time it helps showing that the connections between different ideas that I have, creating a reasonable article.
→I spend most of my time drawing visualized clusters because it helps me to clarify my ideas, and also to connect my different thoughts. I believe these can create reasonable articles.
I think I can state the sentences in easier way as I rewrite above. Using the transition word, like “because” can make it sound more natural and coherent.
I rewrote it.
ReplyDelete2. Someone asked me, do you think it is useful to you learning English in CESL(English as second language center). I said yes, it is really useful to me. It not only helps me improve my English skills, and also gives me such enough confidence that I can really enjoy the collage life.
→When someone asked me, “Do you think learning English in CESL is useful?” I said, “Yes, I do. Not only does it help me improve my English skills, but it also gives me a great amount of confidence to really enjoy college life.”
I think there are some mistakes in punctuation, spelling and grammar.
4. Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage just trying to generate ideas and not have a boring paper that people won’t like to read.
→Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage just trying to generate ideas. Writing essays that other people want to read is another challenge as well.
I think there are some mistakes in punctuation and grammar.
5. Sometime, I get information online websites about my topics. It is also good techniques to start pre- writing
→Sometimes I get information about my topics from the Internet. It is also a good way to help me start pre-writing.
I think there are some word choice and grammatical mistakes.
6. I have not written papers in English very much so far. I should be used to express what I want to say in English. To solve my problem, keeping journals seems suitable. It will help me to write papers more freely and in relax.
→ Although I do not have much experience writing papers in English, I think I should already be used to expressing what I want to say. In order to get used to it, writing journal entries seems to be great way to do not only that, but to help me write my essays in a more relaxed way.
I think the answer is slightly incoherent. I also revised the word choice and grammar.
10. Most of the time, I’d like to draw a visualized cluster. It helps me to clarify ideas that are in my mind, and at the same time it helps showing that the connections between different ideas that I have, creating a reasonable article.
→Most of the time, I’d like to draw a visualized cluster. It helps me to clarify ideas that are in my mind, and at the same time, it helps to show the connections between the different thoughts that I have. Doing this would allow me to create a reasonable article.
There were some article mistakes (lack of “the”) in the sentences. I also think that making the last statement a separate sentence sounds a little more natural.
4-the overall meaning is not clear
ReplyDeleteRevised sentence: Sometimes it can be pretty hard in the pre-writing stage just trying to generate ideas and having a boring paper that people won’t like to read.
5-using wrong words.
Revised sentence: Sometimes, I get information from websites about my topics. It is also good techniques to start pre- writing.
6-missing words.
I have not written papers in English very much so far. I should be used to express what I want to say in English. To solve my problem, keeping writing journals seems suitable. It will help me to write papers more free and relax.
8.missing conjunction and punctuation
Revised sentence: When the writer shows his feeling in freestyle writing he is able to stop thinking and make mistakes without judgment. Also, he is able to misspell and be imperfect. Finally, freestyle helps people to express their feeling in their own way.
9- not clear
Revised sentence: techniques. For instant, I need to write essay about California condor. First I need to go online and find information about condor like population, problems with condor, how it is useful for human being etc.
Saleh