Activity 2:
Hello everyone!
Our group has a lot of mistakes in our expository. Therefore we need your help to improve our mistakes.
There are 7 writing problems below, but we are not sure what the problems are. Can you guys help us out?
Step 1: Answer three questions from them and post them as one comment. Don’t forget to use reasons to support your answer.
Step 2 : Agree or disagree with a previous comment, and explain why.In this way, we can correct our mistakes and it would be of great help to our group.
1. We want to write an essay. The topic of the essay is about long neck women. We need to give a title for the essay. Do you agree or disagree with using “Extreme Beauty” for the title? Why?
2.For the same essay, we have written the following thesis statement:
“In brief, we need to concern the harm of the extreme beauty but we should pay more attention to its values that maintain the culture and help people in need.”
How about this thesis statement? If it is not good, how do you improve this thesis statement?
3. Is it acceptable that we use an example without the explanation to support our topic sentence of the body paragraph? If not, what should we do?
4. “We have common sense that extreme beauty hurt our bodies.” What is wrong with this sentence? In other words, what do we need to be careful?
5. “As we know, eyes are most crucial part in human body.” What is wrong with this sentence?
6. “There are few common problems around the world.” What is wrong with this sentence?
7. “For example: one businessman who is going to the business meeting.” What is wrong with this sentence?
This should be done by October 6th (Tuesday) midnight.
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1. We want to write an essay. The topic of the essay is about long neck women. We need to give a title for the essay. Do you agree or disagree with using “Extreme Beauty” for the title? Why?
ReplyDelete→I thnk if you are going to stick to one topic, about "long neck women", you cannot use “Extreme Beauty” for the title. Because it is too broad.
But if you are going to write about "long neck women" as an one example for “Extreme Beauty”, using “Extreme Beauty” for the title is fine I think.
2.For the same essay, we have written the following thesis statement:
“In brief, we need to concern the harm of the extreme beauty but we should pay more attention to its values that maintain the culture and help people in need.”
→I think we cannot use people's subjects such as "we" in academic writing, so it should be written like, "The harm of the extreme beauty should be concerned but its values that maintain the culture and help people in need should be payid more attention.”
4. “We have common sense that extreme beauty hurt our bodies.” What is wrong with this sentence? In other words, what do we need to be careful?
→I think it needs to provide more additional information about why extreme beauty hurt our bodies, and how.
1.Agree
ReplyDelete2.The statement seems conclusion rather than thesis statement, though I cannot point out exactly without the whole essay.
4.Agree. Readers do not have common sense about extreme beauty.
5.It missed "the".
Eyes are the most crucial parts in human body.
7.It does not include main sentence.
Sorry, I tried three questions, but
I could not find wrong in question 6, and also I could not understand the meaning of the question 3.
6. 6. “There are few common problems around the world.” What is wrong with this sentence?
ReplyDeleteWhats wrong with this sentence is that it doesn't show any examples or how there are few common problems around the world. It is too broad to say something like that.
5. “As we know, eyes are most crucial part in human body.” What is wrong with this sentence?
It doesn't tell how our eyes are the most crucial part in the human body. It should say something like it is imporant because it helps us to be aware of our surroundings or something of that sort.
7. “For example: one businessman who is going to the business meeting.” What is wrong with this sentence?
ReplyDeleteIts not really a sentence because it doesn't tell me anything or even make sense
5. The sentence is wrong because we do not get any valuable informations from it. We do not know why eyes are the most valuable part of our body. You need to write the reason why are eyes so important, so readers can conclude that eyes are really important.
ReplyDelete6. This sentence does not make any sense. Readers would not have a clue what are you talking about, this sentence needs to be reinvented. Maybe it would have meaning inside of paragraph, but it still needs to have meaning if we read it by itself.
7. This is an incomplete sentence, reader can not understand why is businessman good example.
Step 2
5. I do not think that missing “the” is mistake. I think that sentence is correct in that way.
7. I agree, that is why reader can not understand the example.
1. We want to write an essay. The topic of the essay is about long neck women. We need to give a title for the essay. Do you agree or disagree with using “Extreme Beauty” for the title? Why?
ReplyDeleteI disagree with the title, as I think the title is too general.
5. “As we know, eyes are most crucial part in human body.” What is wrong with this sentence?
In my opinion, the sentence should be ”As we know, eyes are the most crucial part of human body.“
6. “There are few common problems around the world.” What is wrong with this sentence?
The sentence may be:"There are a few common problems around the world."